Autism-Free Zone

Yep. This blog is an Autism-Free Zone. A place where I and everyone else can get away from the curse and the obsession. So I'm going to voice aloud (er, write.. um.. not aloud?) the thoughts I have so often, looking at Sierra.

My pregnancy with Sierra was hell. At 31 weeks I went into labor. Went to the hospital and got put on Magnesium, which the nurse warned me would make me feel awful. I had no clue. As soon as it started, I felt like I was burning to death, was thirsty beyond belief but not allowed to drink, and so weak I couldn't move my head. The shots of Terbutaline made it hard to breathe and I found myself gasping and crying hysterically while the doctor tried to calm me down.

They transferred me an hour away to Sarasota hospital, where they had a NICU. I got put in a back room, where they forgot about me for quite some time, until I was practically begging them to take out the goddamned catheter they hadmade me have for the ambulance ride there. They finally did that, set me up on a megnesium drip, and left for another 5 hours. Apparently they overdosed me on the magnesium, because for that 5 hours I could not lift my head, get up to go to the bathroom, and I threw up all over my pillow but had to lie in it.

It was not a fun week. Everyone was angry at me because after 3 days of magnesium, I could not take it any more, and told them to stop with it. They did the steroids and Terbutaline, and lectured me on how irresponsible I was being. But I couldn't take the pain and sickness anymore.

I cried all week, and laid there just suffering... Then finally got to come home, on strict bed rest. Obviously, this didn't work out, as Jason didn't understand bed rest, and I had to take care of Jaymes. Sierra was born a week later, at 33 weeks.

My mother in law took over half an hour to drive 5 minutes to watch Jaymes. We got to the hospital, they tried to give me more Terbutaline to stop the contractions, but it wasn't happening. They gave up, got me my Epidural, and left me be for awhile. Jaosn read his comic books and looked annoyed everytime I moaned through a contraction.

The epidural started to wear off. Something it had not done during Jaymes' birth. I begged the doctor and nurse to give me more quickly, but they said it was too late, it was time to push. So it was a natural birth, really. I felt every agonizing second of it. I cried like a baby, and cursed at the doctor. She finally had to yell at me to shut up and push, then later apologized for being too intense. I was glad she was though, I was panicked and needed that.

Jason screamed and cried the entire birth. It was weird and I wanted to slap him. I didn't even get to hold Sierra, they took her away and it was 6 hours till I could have her again.

Once I had her, I didn't give her up again. She slept with me, she snuggled with me, I buried my face in her sweet baby smelling hair. For some bizarre reason my mother in law took a photo of her pooping. It's a gross photo.

I was so scared when we got home, I thought she would stop breathing or something. Jason dropped me and her and Jaymes off and left to go set up a TV for his mother.. I was really nervous. But she was so good and sweet and quiet.

She's always been good. Trouble, but good. She amazes me every day with how fast she learns. All the things she says, the phrases she picks up, the way she plays with her baby doll. She's the smartest child I know... Having Sierra is like being a new parent all over again. So different from her brother. SO different.

She's picking up language so fast. She's surpassed Jaymes already, and she actually teaches him things. She plays make believe, she pretends to be mommy. When the wolf on my radio station howls, she knows to howl too. She knows every animal's name, and what they are. She bosses Jaymes around, tells me NO!, and brushes her hair. She sits on the potty. She helps clean up after Jaymes.

She is a little prodigy, in this house at least. Every miserable moment of that pregnancy was worth it and everything she does fills me with awe.